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| Marcel Strigberger |
An animal protection group, Non-Human Rights Project, (NRP) sought an order for habeas corpus to release five elephants from a Colorado zoo to a sanctuary. The zoo opposed the application, arguing that elephants were used to captivity in the zoo, would not be happy and would actually be stressed joining the sanctuary herd. I don’t know how the zoo people came to that conclusion. I doubt they polled the pachyderms and Jumbo responded,“Nah, I’m good; I’ll stay.”
The court denied the NRP’s application not on the merits but on the basis that habeus corpus can only be ordered for humans. I believe elephants qualify.
I Googled “human” and some of the attributes of humans include ability to reason, being a person and having a conscience.
Elephants can certainly reason. When Carthaginian military genius Hannibal attacked Rome in 218 B.C., he convinced a couple of dozen elephants to join him in crossing the Alps. They were certainly patriotic. How’s that for reasoning? And we all know elephants have a great memory. Mention Hannibal to any elephant and I doubt like many millennials or gen Zs, he’ll say, “Duh?”
As for being a person, after all, a corporation is a person in law. And it has no conscience. So why not an elephant? As 18th century jurist Edward Thurlow, or Lord Thurlow, said something like, why would you expect a corporation to have a conscience? It has neither a soul to be damned nor an ass to be kicked. (The italics are mine).
And more than likely an elephant also has a conscience. I’ve never heard of Elmer entering a Walmart and shoplifting a jar of peanuts. I’d say the Colorado court got it wrong. The judge was the elephant in the room.
And speaking of entering a store, this gets us to Nanyang, China, where a cow bolted from her owner’s truck and entered a barbershop. No clue why. Maybe she was hoping to find three other cows inside and join a quartet. I can just hear a capella of moos. Awesome!
There is actually a video of the event captured online. The customers are seen with their capes still on scrambling frantically to get out of harm’s way. I could not make out the conversations with my limited knowledge of Mandarin. I think the barber exclaimed, “How now broken cow?” The sound then cut out. I doubt Elsie said, “Just a trim please.”
The cow’s owner was fined the equivalent of $137. I wonder if this oddball number is inscribed in some penal statute: “Section 43 (11) — Allowing your cow to escape and charge into a barbershop, punishable by a fine of $137. First offence.”
And I can certainly see some legal action for nervous shock against not only the owner but also the barber. This was more traumatic than the usual bull in a China shop. Where was the security? It’s obvious to anybody that cows get attracted by those barbershop poles. They see blue, white and red. A no-brainer.
Which gets us to the cat. A family moving from Christchurch, New Zealand to Melbourne, Australia shipped their cat Mittens on their flight. Usual first-class accommodation, in the baggage hold. When the aircraft landed in Melbourne, the feline was not deplaned, and the aircraft took her back to New Zealand. Eventually after its owner raised Cain, Mittens was located in Christchurch and flown back to Melbourne. When questioned, the initial baggage handler in Melbourne claimed he did not notice Mittens’ cage as it was obstructed by a larger piece of cargo. I’m not sure what he said exactly, but rumour has it that he apologized, saying, “I did not taught I taw a puddytat.”
I doubt the owner will sue Air New Zealand. She’s just happy to have Mittens back on her hands.
Animals can certainly make for wild stories. I’m happy I wasn’t Noah.
Marcel Strigberger retired from his Greater Toronto Area litigation practice and continues the more serious business of humorous author and speaker. His book, Boomers, Zoomers, and Other Oomers: A Boomer-biased Irreverent Perspective on Aging, is available on Amazon (e-book) and in paper version. His new(!) book First, Let’s Kill the Lawyer Jokes: An Attorney’s Irreverent Serious Look at the Legal Universe, is available on Amazon, Apple and other book places. Visit www.marcelshumour.com. Follow him on X: @MarcelsHumour.
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