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| Marcel Strigberger |
If you own any shares in Google, before reading this article, relax, take a deep breath and have a shot of Crown Royal. Make it a double.
A judge in Russia whacked Google with a fine of more than two undecillion rubles, after it removed state-run and pro-government accounts from YouTube, which it owns.
What’s two undecillion you ask? That’s two followed by 36 zeros.
Put another way, an undecillion is a trillion times a trillion times a trillion. That’s a lot of pirozhki.
This fine is far greater than the world's total GDP, estimated at $110 trillion by the International Monetary Fund.
Still, I asked Siri to tell me what an undecillion was, and she said, “In 2024, the Oscar for the best actor went to Oppenheimer’s Cillian Murphy.” Good to know.
I tried again after clearing my throat, and she rattled off “0…0…0” umpteen times. She then said if I ever ask her a question like that again, she’ll get an order against me restraining harassment. No problem.
The good news, I suppose, is that we are talking rubles, each worth a bit more than a U.S. penny. So take off two zeroes. Phew!
My main concern is for the poor lawyer who argued the case for Google. Did they not do their due diligence and try to plea bargain? If it were me handling the case, I would have arranged a resolution meeting with the prosecution and try to make a deal. I’d start negotiations with an offer of say, C$500. Test the waters. Then if rejected make a more serious offer. Increase it to 500 euros. Timing is all important.
And what about the wisdom of checking out the judge in advance? We have all heard of hanging judges, but this guy went nuclear, unleashing a Montezuma’s revenge of zeroes.
I imagine if there were other lawyers in the courtroom about to enter a guilty plea on behalf of their clients, they likely asked for an adjournment. No clue what this judge might do if you plead to a speeding ticket. Siberia?
And I cannot envisage the look on that lawyer’s face when he received news of the decision. When an assistant asked if he was OK, the lawyer probably said, “Sure, Svetlana. Just hand me that barrel of Smirnoff.”
I also wonder how Google’s law firm intends to handle its billing to Google:
TO all services rendered
TO preparation and attendance in Court where judge find you an amount greater
than the world’s total GDP
OUR fee … have a seat …
I don’t know whether for 2024 these guys will hit the Russian Top 25 law firms list.
Actually there is more good news. His Honour did allow Google nine months to pony up the fine. After that it doubles daily. Unfortunately Google’s stock market value is only about $2.16 trillion. A bit shy. It may have trouble with the banks extending its line of credit. I have an idea. May I suggest Google initiate a GoFundMe? Who knows?
And will Google appeal the sentence? Given that I am retired from law practice and busy as an author, I would volunteer my time pro bono in exchange for some free publicity ads. I would assist in preparing Google’s appeal briefs, but my Russian does not meet up to the task; and I have no clue what the Russian word is for “draconian.”
I understand that Google can reportedly only return to the Russian market if it complies with the court decision. I suppose that would be some incentive to pay up.
One more good thing. At least we all learned a new word: undecillion.
Marcel Strigberger retired from his Greater Toronto Area litigation practice and continues the more serious business of humorous author and speaker. His book, Boomers, Zoomers, and Other Oomers: A Boomer-biased Irreverent Perspective on Aging, is available on Amazon (e-book) and in paper version. His new(!) book First, Let’s Kill the Lawyer Jokes: An Attorney’s Irreverent Serious Look at the Legal Universe, is available on Amazon, Apple and other book places. Visit www.marcelshumour.com. Follow him on X: @MarcelsHumour.
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