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| Marcel Strigberger |
The airport in Dunedin, New Zealand, has issues with vehicles stopping and cluttering up traffic while the occupants are expressing their final goodbyes. The authorities have, therefore, posted signs limiting hugs to three minutes. The signs note, “Those seeking fonder farewells please use the car park.”
I don’t know what happens if you hug and kiss and cry past this limit. Does some officer jump out from behind a pillar with a stopwatch and bellow, “Stop! Police! Cuddle division!”
In my view, you just cannot put a limit on airport farewells. I think of the film Casablanca. I, for one, was riveted in my seat watching Rick tell Ilsa she must get on that plane without him. She is shocked. The audience’s nerves are strained to the limit. Just imagine some airport security lout jumping in and shouting, “Hey you two. Can’t you see other couples lining up to smooch here? Time’s up. Move it.”
I know as Rick suggests, “We’ll always have Paris.” But that’s just deferred gratification.
Or I think of the flick, E.T. Whose eyes weren’t damp when E.T. is about to board his spacecraft to finally go home and he has his hands around Elliott as the two exchange their final farewells? I don’t care even if there was a traffic jam of other aliens and little boys parting ways.
Can airports in Canada pass similar rules limiting touchy-huggy goodbyes? I believe doing so would violate our Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Section 2 clearly guarantees the freedom of peaceful assembly and association. What can be a more peaceful assembly and association than parties performing auf wiedersehen rituals? If Parliament wanted to dilute this fundamental right in order to control airport traffic, it would have legislated a provision such as, “The right to peaceful assembly and association may be altered by setting farewell time limits by nasty airport officials who have no compassion for the human condition.” Or something like that.
I have Googled to see if there is such a provision, keying in “Canadian airports kickass rules.” Nothing. The closest I got was, “Parking — Remember where you left your car in this labyrinth. If you forget, we won’t tell you.”
And speaking of flights, how about a flying Zamboni? A Zamboni operator in Chelsea, Que., was arrested for driving his ice-cleaning machine at a hockey arena while his ability to do so was impaired. What drew suspicion to the gentleman was his flying the Zamboni into the boards.
Sgt. Martin Fournel of Sécurité Publique MRC des Collines-de-l’Outaouais says several people witnessed the event and one of them called police after seeing signs that the driver was bombed.
He says police administered a sobriety test. I believe the sobriety test in Chelsea, Que., is a bit different from in other places. The testing officer makes the suspect close his eyes, touch his nose with his finger and repeat, “Sécurité Publique MRC des Collines-de-l’Outaouais.” The Zamboni guy failed.
Oh, well. In Casablanca, Rick says to the piano player in his bar, “Play it, Sam,” but I doubt that guy in Chelsea, Que., will be playing that Zamboni anytime soon.
Marcel Strigberger retired from his Greater Toronto Area litigation practice and continues the more serious business of humorous author and speaker. His book, Boomers, Zoomers, and Other Oomers: A Boomer-biased Irreverent Perspective on Aging, is available on Amazon (e-book) and in paper version. His new(!) book First, Let’s Kill the Lawyer Jokes: An Attorney’s Irreverent Serious Look at the Legal Universe, is available on Amazon, Apple and other book places. Visit www.marcelshumour.com. Follow him on X: @MarcelsHumour.
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